June 11, 2026 Attractions, law of. Magnetic field. Healing in the heart space
June 15 I feel it. The healing in the heart space. I wanted to sit down and write. Because i have been reading. Because i like to write. Because i have written a little bit of this and a little bit of that my entire life– sprig and fern and i spent 3 hours at our local pond today, playing in the water and in the shade. No rush. Grounded. The time passed very quickly. June days are like that. Pleasant. I think, pleasurable. To have brown tan arms nursing a plump thigh baby- sprig paddles around with neighborhood kids her age.
When we get home there’s a fresh loaf of sourdough in the mailbox. Earlier i had placed duck eggs in there, and a magical trade or transfiguration has occurred. Bartering is like that. My tiny daughter is kicking and yelling her little baby yells, big sister is on the couch, reading a picture book with a slab of fresh bread and butter in her hands. The long afternoon sunlight catches behind her head. I am home.
I said i would clean my room. It’s time to do the things i say i will do. I worked out today. I struggle with posting online and i am tired of that obsession. I do like creation. What is the most authentic way to share my creative voice and joy today?
I used to be very ambitious. Foraging and formulating medicines, flowering from my own anxiety and aspirations. I tried to organize community, galvanize a movement of protest and creation. I traveled and taught and evangelized fungi, hoping to make an impact. i wonder if a lot of that came from an unhealed place. The more i heal, the more i can embrace: boring. And by boring i mean simply being.
Flashing through me is contentedness. An afternoon of sun and shade and water. A box filled with sunset painted apricots- the colors of peach sun, to be dried and jammed and feasted upon. I too feast upon the fruits of mid june. Ease and freedom and the sense that i have everything i’ve wanted. Sufficient unto the day is the joy thereof.
This time last year fern was a plum in utero- this year she sits in my lap, watching her sister splash, feeling the water on her very own legs. Sprig is big and capable and ever growing. She was once my tiny little goofy squishy loveable companion– thankful for my little girls. My love is out restocking vending machines, the family money garden. I pray we can pass it off to teddy and enjoy the income.
Here’s what i really want: deep joy, health, energy= wealth. Love. happiness for my children. The earth to be free from wicked parasites.
June 16, 2026 I used to wish for millions of dollars. I could do so much good. I could organize local building projects and get homes for the homeless. I could be a magician philanthropist and generate monies for people in need: all of lower income residents of my town getting solar installed, for instance.
If i were wealthy like the billionaires i’d go all in for renewable energies. Solar panels made from metals mined from waste piles and whole continents cleaned of discarded landfill core. Have you seen the piles of clothing on the shores of africa? That’s fast fashion. That’s new. With millions of dollars i could organize and pay locals well to clean it up— throw it into a massive shredder and join in the creation of recycled fabrics. Zero waste baby.
I could buy acres of privately owned forest and return them to the indigenous people for care and reparation. To be clear: indigenous matriarchal leadership continent-wide. Protect from corporations and development and preserve wilderness. As much as possible. More parks. Wild parks.
(My desires nor my writing is unique. I struggle with lack of concentration and motivation and i don’t drink coffee often. When i need to focus on a task i’m avoiding, like cleaning the house, i need a rockin’ playlist and a shake of nutritional yeast straight from the container to commit. often the work just does not get done.)
Dream dream dream. I still have a lot of those billionaire philanthropist dreams. And i welcome them to manifest in this lifetime. It takes a great deal of skill to see possibilities and manage large visions and i aspire, i really do.
Right now a big dream feels like gray water setup, rain barrels, more fruit trees, a simple yet powerful vision to become more self-reliant, the simple and resourceful ways that many humans on this planet employ to subsist. A return, a rolling back. Use less. Waste less. Grow more. Create more. Learn more feel more heal more.
Slow, loving, relaxed care of my two little ones, their security and wellness as my soul priority. Repair and ongoing meaningful support for my juvenile sons, red feathers of hawk adulthood scruffy and bright. I pray they learn to fly well and love it. My sons. My daughters. My children. Taking care is the majority of how i spend my days- learning this.
I dream my heart continues to feel like a blossoming, a gurgling from the wellspring of life, of spirit. Let me be aware- let rejoicing strike me as i walk through my garden gate:
“I get to live this life.”
xoxo
-dolly
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